The Trouble With Birthdays

picture from a few birthdays ago.

The trouble with birthdays is that I have an extreme fear of getting old.

When I was 19 and turning 20 I had a existential panic attack at the idea of being an adult. Imagining growing old with anyone fills me with a fear that absolutely cripples me. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I love reading and writing young adult books.

I know that 23 isn’t old but to me it feels ancient. Even more so when I think about all of the things that I wanted to have accomplished by now that I haven’t found time for.
So maybe 23 will be my year. Here is a list of 23 things to complete by 24.

1) have a book published. This is ambitious. Not just an agent, not just write one. I want one published by 24. I have one that is almost ready and I am looking for agents.

2) be healthier. I have a deep love for pop, candy, and all things bad for my body. I also love vegetables though so hopefully I can find a happy medium and toss in some exercise as well. I think that I would love Zumba so I seriously need to try that out.

3) be closer to moving and graduating. I have started to accumulate things for my future apartment this year and need to continue that trend. I also need to stay on the ball about school and get out of here already. It was seventy degrees in southern Ohio yesterday and today it is in the twenties. Seriously, there was snow on my car.

4) do adventurous things. I want to learn to sail and at least snorkel. I want to backpack somewhere.

5) write daily

6) balance personal and school/work life better

7) change my hair dramatically at least once. Perm it, color it, cut it all off, blow it out. Just do something different.

8) take more pictures

9) have more stories to tell

10) journal

11) network. I am learning very slowly how to do this.

12) go out more. This is kind of tied to #6 but it needs a separate category.

13) learn how to do cool things. Maybe flair bartending?

14) read more. I can always read more.

15) write for a website. I used to do this and I loved it. I liked that my parents could get on and see what I wrote. They even shared it with their friends. It was the adult version of look-at-my-kids-finger painting.

16) drink more water. Just made up as I sit here drinking a diet pop and can feel my kidneys screaming.

17) travel. I love traveling but never seem to have any money for it. I need to find cheap ways to accomplish this goal.

18) intern.

19) learn how to make cupcakes. Awesome cupcakes.

20) be more “aries.” I am more there than last year but I lost a lot of fire a few years ago and getting it back is hard! Now that I’m out of practice it makes me nervous to yell at people who deserve it. Once a few years ago some drunk guy backed into this guys car and refused to say it was his fault or give out insurance info. He was at least six three and in five three. I got up in his face and screamed at him until someone intervened because he raised his fist at me and I egged him on telling him I would love it so I could sue him “so fast your drunk redneck head will spin.” I miss that.

21) be more web visible.

22) learn to cook more. Martha, guide me.

23) enjoy my life everyday.

Let weekend 23 commence and please, people, keep me away from “When You Were Young” by the Killers.